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A CVC Life Change Story ...
Although I'm very thankful that I was raised in a Christian home, there was a lot of dysfunction in our home. My mother was a control freak and a rage-aholic, so there was a lot my mother did for me what I could have done for myself, and it caused a lot of insecurity issues for me. I've also struggled with trust issues most of my life due to sexual abuse at an early age.
I was married at 18, two weeks after graduating from high school, and we had three beautiful children by the time I was 22. My life had definitely become unmanageable, and I tried coping by controlling everything and everyone around me. After all, that's what a loving mother and wife does, right?
The saying that "Hurt people hurt people" is so true. I was hurting deeply by things that people had done to me and in return I was hurting the people in my life that mattered the most‹my husband and my three children.
After being separated from my husband twice, and after going to many counseling sessions alone, God began to show me the importance of forgiveness. I really thought that I had done all the changing I possibly could. I thought if I did everything right, then happiness would follow and along the way, God would change my husband because, after all, HE was the one with all the problems. His issues were so much bigger than mine!! Ha ha!
Thankfully, God continued to show me His love and His mercy. He heard my heart's cry and that's when He brought Cindy and Henry to the Carson Valley and into my life. When Cindy and I met about seven years ago, she befriended me immediately. As our friendship grew, she began seeing right away how really unmanageable my life was, even though I wasn't seeing it, and yet she remained a faithful friend.
She began sharing her life story and how God had used a 12-step program to change her life and asked if I would be willing to be a part of one with her and Doreen? I was still in a lot of denial and I said to her, "Well, I don't really think my life is too unmanageable right now, but, sure, why not?"
As soon as I heard the first tape, I knew I had major control issues and the process of my denial breaking had begun. Along the way, I was hearing about character defects, which I had never heard before. What does a boundary look like? Have I ever crossed someone's boundary? (Oh yeah!)
Through His endless love and mercy, God was showing me the true picture of my heart and my character and it wasn't pretty. Again, more denial breaking was taking place.
I remember when it came time for me to do a Step 4-5. I was really scared and nervous. Step Four was the beginning of my becoming healthy. Step Four is about taking ownership of my choices and unhealthy behavior patterns that had existed in my life. As I began to take ownership for my choices, I began to see the problem really was me after all, and God wanted to make lasting changes in me that would make me more like Him.
STEP really has changed my life in so many ways, and it's affected every relationship in my life.
Most importantly, my marriage has really been transformed, and I have a much healthier relationship with my husband and it just keeps getting better. He's pretty awesome!
Is my life all peaches and cream now? NO! One of the on-going struggles I have is the whole, "Do you want to be right or well?" Well, I want BOTH. There is a natural bend in me that really likes to be right - a lot!
Jesus wants me, and you, to learn to serve Him in the midst of our pain and sorrow; in fact, in spite of it!
Without the pain, we don't look for Jesus. I am learning to daily surrender the "nails" of my life because I don't ever want to stop looking for Jesus. My question to you is, "What are some of the nails in your life and are you willing to surrender them to Jesus?"
Kathy C.
STEP (Striving to Experience Peace) meets Tuesdays 5:30 to 9:00pm at CVC. For more information, please contact Henry Conover.
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